Old Letter To Myself.

I've never felt so... wrong. I know that the choices that I make and go on with are all for my best interest at heart; but sometimes the best decisions aren't always easy make. I let him go today, by my choice and no one else's. I finally let myself accept that I deserve someone that loves me for who I am, and not who I was. It's hard for me because, I thought that what I had with him was the true definition of "love". I put everything I had in me into that relationship; and for over a year he was the only one I could ever see myself with. But that's love, it blinds you. He blinded me. Our love blinded me. Don't go back; don't change your mind. Please. Even if one day you wake up missing him, don't go back to him. HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU LIKE HE SHOULD!!! You were in love, and he was confused. If he really loved you, he wouldn't have ever let you leave without an explanation. He wouldn't be okay with you just giving up and forgetting everything. BE STRONG. Because the past is behind you for a reason, and if he doesn't make it to your future he's made that choice. It's always fun to warn you're future self about things that you suspect in the past, eh? Ha. I can't believe how much I cried over him. I cried so much that it physically hurt me. I was shaking, and couldn't breathe. Probably because it sunk in that he was willing to just up and go once I decided a break was something we needed. Life isn't always easy, and tonight proved it that to me. From now on it's going to be really hard. I don't have my safety net to catch me when I fall anymore; not like he ever did... but the metaphor still has some meaning if you ask me. The song best song for my mood would be, "Breathe- by Taylor Swift" or maybe even, "In Another Life- The Veronicas". Every word in that song describes a feeling that I've going through today. I may have ended the relationship between us, but it was over long before I finally just said enough was enough. He never gave me the proper shot. I feel like I was just the one he can always come back to, and that hurts me like you wouldn't believe. I love him, have loved him, and will always love him more than anyone I'll ever meet on here, but I can't go back. Maybe someday in the future he'll realize what we could of been, what we would have been, what we should have been. But by then it'll be a little to late for him to come back again. I'll be happy again, I'll grow up. I'll learn to love someone new, whether that love is on a romantic or self-building level. I'll be strong without him. That will be my future, and I look forward to it. Sure for now my heart may ache from all the scars left behind; but I'll fix things soon enough. I have friends to get me through this: Josie, Stephanie, Tara, Amanda, Juni, hell even the newer group of friends I have now will help me. My friends already got me to leave Jake before I could chicken out. Which I'll be thankful for, ngl. I just never saw me and Jake ending this way. We had so much planned. We .. nothing. Like it matters anymore. I've given it everything I had, and he made it clear that I'm just not what he's looking for. It's always nice to have a broken heart, eh? :|